Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
