Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
