Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
