Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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