Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
