I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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