I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
