You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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