Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
