remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I could make wine with my vomit
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
