I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
