saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
