so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
