So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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