you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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