He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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