There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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