Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
