dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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