I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
