I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
operation harelip BJ is a go
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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