We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
