Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
