they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
