In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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