i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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