Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
