hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
