I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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