I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think my moral compass just broke
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