someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
