oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
