AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
