my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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