What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
