normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
