im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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