..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize