Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
