I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
