Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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