how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
