i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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