My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
