Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
