Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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