Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
