I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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