I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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