I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
