I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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