great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
