3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
